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Wooowheee
Apr. 8th, 2010 | 05:31 pm
mood: 
chipper
Soooo over a year since I posted again... and looking back I have to say. Damn I can whine alot. Heh.. well here's to another year, hopefully one with less whining involved.
Oh yea, status update. After the last year, there are problem, but that's life. However? I have to say overall.. I'm doing great!
Oh yea, status update. After the last year, there are problem, but that's life. However? I have to say overall.. I'm doing great!
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Happy New Year... Blah
Jan. 8th, 2008 | 02:33 am
mood: 
aggravated
To all those that had a Merry Christmas.. I hate you. Okay, not really, but still christmas sucked. I survived the holidays though so that's something to say though I will add I will -never- go another year without doing some sort of celebration for major holidays. It's cheesy, but that's the point of most holidays, the chance to be a kid and enjoy yourself. I didn't do that this year and that added with the not smoking and not being around family thing? Well it blew monkey chunks.
Though that does bring me to last year's resolutions and the realization that unlike 98% of people who make them I -did- fulfill mine. In the last year I finally got a job and held it down for more than 6 months, which in turn did lead to me becoming healthier (climbing 3 sets of stairs a day rather than taking elevators sort of enforces the whole healthier thing). I also quit smoking back in late August and I haven't had a cigarette since (not that I haven't been tempted and don't whine how much I want one.. CAUSE I DO). So yea, I succeeded in a couple of accomplishments and I am proud of it.
Now onto the truly negative, because what is a LJ post without whininess? Alright, better to say what is one of my LJs without it. Of course it's my one true form of socialization outside of the two people I'm currently living with that I'm going to complain about. And it's not like it's SC's issue or anything like that, it's the people that I'm dealing with that are, yet again, making me seriously wish I could beat some anti angst sense into people and also myself.
Before I get much farther though I would like to share a site that I've taken to heart before and I have found myself time and again in need of rereading through and have been tempted to hurl it at other people I play with. If your a RPer or just online alot then I seriously suggest you go and read through this page. http://wadewilson.livejournal.com/1
Read it through? Good. Alright, that should solve most problems, let me start talking about what I know I am guilty of...
Preconceived judgements regarding certain players
---Right, I admit it, I'm guilty of this because I -have- RPed with some people or been shown repeated proof of how some players act towards others (bad things mind you) and I don't want to deal with them. Gabby-Player was one of those people, still is, and has only just reinforced it by turning on Duster oocly. That's the thing, most of the judgements I've made about people are due to their ooc behavior and the fact that yes, I don't want anything to do with people who abuse others. I still RP with these people when I must though.
A short temper...
---I'm a scottish aries... believe me a short temper is the least of people's problems with me, but it's there none the less. Thing is.. I do know about it so I do try to control it. Sometimes I fail, sometimes I don't. It's hard to know what's going to set me off at times, I admit that I don't know it all the time, but I do do my best.
Low Self Esteem and fear of loss.
---This is a big one for me, always has been. I can't think of a time in my life when I felt good about myself. It's something I should probably talk to someone about, but more importantly it's something that I need to work to change and I have been doing just that. The best way for me to get over my low self esteem is to actively seek to change that which is the cause of it (and is within my power TO change). The fear of losing friends, that's something that's alot harder to let go of. I've lost so many either due to them moving away or outside forces or just them deciding to drop me... it's just one of the main things that I can't yet let go of and sometimes it's what drives people away as well. like anything it has to be balanced... because like those who are my friends IRL can tell any of those I RP with I am not some sort of creepy stalker who becomes far too fixated. In fact much of the time it's hard to get a hold of me cause I'm off doing my own thing, which is whatever holds my attention.
So what's the problem? What's brought on the current bitch and whine? A couple things... Right now I admit that I'm really tempted to walk away from SC (again) because I'm starting to get this strange unwelcome feel. I guess it's because of a few certain players, some that I thought of as friends, others that were once friends and of course those I can't stand.
One of the big things that the last month has taught me is that I can't, no matter how well I DO handle it, get upset about anything with certain players. Regardless of justification for that upset those players WILL always turn it around to make me feel like it's all my fault, that I'm over reacting or so on. They'll do this so well that in the end everyone will side with them. In this case I was mad about something I had been told was said oocly and when I raised issue with that statement it was turned back on me.
Another thing I learned is that friends who turn into stalkers are scary scary thingswho will, in time, make life a pain in the ass. Bella's done this for me. She got so fixated on rping with an alt and I didn't want to rp him with her, so when I passed she got mad and instead started fixating on my friend Garret even more and now she's trying to get his character to cheat (and I don't mean through IC actions here, I mean through oocly paged conversations which I've been shown by him) on my character and complaining that she can't break him away from my character. Frankly, I don't care as long as it's kept IC, but this is going ooc and that annoys me greatly.
So why do I care? In the first case I cared because it was someone that who, I don't really like, but who I do have some small amount of respect for and think they can be a good RPer. I do admit to being jealous of them because some of my friends do seem to circle around them like moths around a flame. In the second case it's because it was someone who was a friend and now dislikes me because I didn't like being stalked and fixated on.
I also care because not all of it have I earned. Some of the dislike these people show me is because of a friend who whined and complained about me to.. well at least one of them. So their opinion of me isn't the greatest. It's hard to deal with that I admit, cause I'd really like to tell off my friend who complained about me, but I don't want to lose the friendship. In the end all I can do is a 'not cool man, just not cool.' and leave it at that...
Though that does bring me to last year's resolutions and the realization that unlike 98% of people who make them I -did- fulfill mine. In the last year I finally got a job and held it down for more than 6 months, which in turn did lead to me becoming healthier (climbing 3 sets of stairs a day rather than taking elevators sort of enforces the whole healthier thing). I also quit smoking back in late August and I haven't had a cigarette since (not that I haven't been tempted and don't whine how much I want one.. CAUSE I DO). So yea, I succeeded in a couple of accomplishments and I am proud of it.
Now onto the truly negative, because what is a LJ post without whininess? Alright, better to say what is one of my LJs without it. Of course it's my one true form of socialization outside of the two people I'm currently living with that I'm going to complain about. And it's not like it's SC's issue or anything like that, it's the people that I'm dealing with that are, yet again, making me seriously wish I could beat some anti angst sense into people and also myself.
Before I get much farther though I would like to share a site that I've taken to heart before and I have found myself time and again in need of rereading through and have been tempted to hurl it at other people I play with. If your a RPer or just online alot then I seriously suggest you go and read through this page. http://wadewilson.livejournal.com/1
Read it through? Good. Alright, that should solve most problems, let me start talking about what I know I am guilty of...
Preconceived judgements regarding certain players
---Right, I admit it, I'm guilty of this because I -have- RPed with some people or been shown repeated proof of how some players act towards others (bad things mind you) and I don't want to deal with them. Gabby-Player was one of those people, still is, and has only just reinforced it by turning on Duster oocly. That's the thing, most of the judgements I've made about people are due to their ooc behavior and the fact that yes, I don't want anything to do with people who abuse others. I still RP with these people when I must though.
A short temper...
---I'm a scottish aries... believe me a short temper is the least of people's problems with me, but it's there none the less. Thing is.. I do know about it so I do try to control it. Sometimes I fail, sometimes I don't. It's hard to know what's going to set me off at times, I admit that I don't know it all the time, but I do do my best.
Low Self Esteem and fear of loss.
---This is a big one for me, always has been. I can't think of a time in my life when I felt good about myself. It's something I should probably talk to someone about, but more importantly it's something that I need to work to change and I have been doing just that. The best way for me to get over my low self esteem is to actively seek to change that which is the cause of it (and is within my power TO change). The fear of losing friends, that's something that's alot harder to let go of. I've lost so many either due to them moving away or outside forces or just them deciding to drop me... it's just one of the main things that I can't yet let go of and sometimes it's what drives people away as well. like anything it has to be balanced... because like those who are my friends IRL can tell any of those I RP with I am not some sort of creepy stalker who becomes far too fixated. In fact much of the time it's hard to get a hold of me cause I'm off doing my own thing, which is whatever holds my attention.
So what's the problem? What's brought on the current bitch and whine? A couple things... Right now I admit that I'm really tempted to walk away from SC (again) because I'm starting to get this strange unwelcome feel. I guess it's because of a few certain players, some that I thought of as friends, others that were once friends and of course those I can't stand.
One of the big things that the last month has taught me is that I can't, no matter how well I DO handle it, get upset about anything with certain players. Regardless of justification for that upset those players WILL always turn it around to make me feel like it's all my fault, that I'm over reacting or so on. They'll do this so well that in the end everyone will side with them. In this case I was mad about something I had been told was said oocly and when I raised issue with that statement it was turned back on me.
Another thing I learned is that friends who turn into stalkers are scary scary thingswho will, in time, make life a pain in the ass. Bella's done this for me. She got so fixated on rping with an alt and I didn't want to rp him with her, so when I passed she got mad and instead started fixating on my friend Garret even more and now she's trying to get his character to cheat (and I don't mean through IC actions here, I mean through oocly paged conversations which I've been shown by him) on my character and complaining that she can't break him away from my character. Frankly, I don't care as long as it's kept IC, but this is going ooc and that annoys me greatly.
So why do I care? In the first case I cared because it was someone that who, I don't really like, but who I do have some small amount of respect for and think they can be a good RPer. I do admit to being jealous of them because some of my friends do seem to circle around them like moths around a flame. In the second case it's because it was someone who was a friend and now dislikes me because I didn't like being stalked and fixated on.
I also care because not all of it have I earned. Some of the dislike these people show me is because of a friend who whined and complained about me to.. well at least one of them. So their opinion of me isn't the greatest. It's hard to deal with that I admit, cause I'd really like to tell off my friend who complained about me, but I don't want to lose the friendship. In the end all I can do is a 'not cool man, just not cool.' and leave it at that...
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teehee
Jul. 30th, 2007 | 06:26 am
|++!!!)
+.@[[]!
|%+)+%)
If I were a NetHack monster, I would be a mimic. I can be whatever I think you need me to be - it might look like I'm here to help you, but really you're here to help me.+.@[[]!
|%+)+%)
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Seattle.. incoming?
Jul. 27th, 2007 | 04:40 pm
mood: Weirded out
So looks like I'll be able to get a plane ticket and will be heading out to Seattle in October. I do kind of have to laugh though. Informed my dad of the incoming trip and he starts asking me questions, not the typical 'do you know who your going to see?' 'can you trust them?' 'how long will you be gone?' nono.. no he starts asking me 'well what about your bills, your husband's computer, your car? Have you made sure all of this is settled first?'
You know I don't think there's honestly a single person on earth who, when planning a trip, first think 'are all my debts paid off?' or if they would that they'd cancel the trip to pay off said debt. Is it irresponsible? Yup, but it's how most people think. You know the whole 'I deserve this' mentality. I think I do though. My last 'vacation' was a year ago march and lasted until June. It wasn't really a vacation either. It was me sitting with my mother daily in a nursing home and watching her die, then a funeral, then sitting in a hospital with my grandmother and watching her die.. then her funeral. Umm yea, okay that is certainly not a vacation... before that it had been 2 years since taking a trip and before that three years without a trip. I'm looking forward to this alot.
You know I don't think there's honestly a single person on earth who, when planning a trip, first think 'are all my debts paid off?' or if they would that they'd cancel the trip to pay off said debt. Is it irresponsible? Yup, but it's how most people think. You know the whole 'I deserve this' mentality. I think I do though. My last 'vacation' was a year ago march and lasted until June. It wasn't really a vacation either. It was me sitting with my mother daily in a nursing home and watching her die, then a funeral, then sitting in a hospital with my grandmother and watching her die.. then her funeral. Umm yea, okay that is certainly not a vacation... before that it had been 2 years since taking a trip and before that three years without a trip. I'm looking forward to this alot.
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I blame Sunny.. yet still.. nifty!
Jul. 27th, 2007 | 03:54 pm
The Wolf Here's your results! Your spirit animal has a Nobility ranking of 12 out of 18. |
Your spirit animal is the wolf. It is a ferocious companion, and a loyal friend. It is both a respectable and noble creature; to have this spirit animal says good things about you, and that you are starting to figure things out. Wolves are pretty rare spirit animals. ***Wondering how this animal was chosen for you? These questions were carefully thought out to see how important you hold certain virtues such as: humanism, self-knowledge, rationalism, the love of freedom and other somewhat Hellenic ideals. Some of the questions were very subtle. Your score was then matched with an animal of corresponding nobility. However, you shouldn't think this was a right/wrong sort of test, but more of an idealistic values test. It's ok to not hold these values, you'll just get an animal spirit of lower stature if you do!*** |
 |
This test tracked 1 variable. How the score compared to the other people's:
| Higher than 73% on Nobility |
| Link: The What is Your Spirit Animal Test written by FindingEros on Ok Cupid |
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Well.. Damn....
Jun. 7th, 2007 | 06:10 pm
mood: 
sad, childish, unwanted... yea all those
It's amazing how attatched a person can become to a character. A character in a book (though not quite as much unless your not the creator) or a character which you've created and roleplay online. The later it seems childish to be attatched to the point when something goes badly for them that you get upset, but I don't think it is really. I mean it feels that way no matter what because, well it's a game right? Yes and no. Yes it is a game, yes it's supposed to be fun.. but drama happens. It's not childish because a character, something you have created, often becomes much like a child to you. When they accomplish something you are proud and want to show it off. You want others to appreciate it and be happy for you. When they aren't or when they ignore it other than a 'oh that's nice' it hurts.
A rough comparison is say you have a child who gets on the baseball team or the football team, makes the honor roll. When you tell your friends you want them to praise your child, not be upset that their child didn't do one of those things. The child would want praise too, right? After all we're told to give children possitive reinforcement whenever they do something right. That goes for adults as well. Children may be more impressionable, but adults need a pat on the back too.
I do know if I ever am able to finish one of the books I start and if I get published if one of my friends goes 'oh that's nice' I'd be damned tempted to punch them in the face.
If that were the only issue though I could deal with it. I mean it's not like my accomplishments haven't been overlooked before. They usually are after all. After twenty eight years you sort of get used to people not giving a damn about you. No though, it's not just that. It's being pushed away. Getting the 'do not enter' sign from friends or the 'you can't cross this line, but these people I barelly know can'. It inspires jealousy, worse it inspires a sense of self loathing and the question of 'what is wrong with me?!'
This is an issue that I've had since childhood. I remember back when I was in a 4-H club and we took a trip. I was in the back of a van with 8 other girls. All of them sitting and chatting. I tried to do it too. I tried to make friends. They all looked at me like I was gross/weird/you name it and then ignored me. I remember getting out of the van when I was dropped off at home, of my mom coming out to get me and watching the van drive off as I cried and told her 'I feel like a lost little puppy dog that no one wants'. Twenty two years later and I've yet to meet a person who doesn't make me feel that way. Throughout 4-H, my brief stint in highschool (I was homeschooled so had very little contact with other children my age), the neighborhood kids and their parents, ballet, church, college, the people I consider my best friends, my husband.. even the SCA I loved so much.
And so.. I don't think it's very childish that I get upset when people who are my friends do it on a game that I play a character I've worked on for almost a year. When they do it to him, but not only that.. do it to me the player as well. So he couldn't help the situation? That's fine, but why the HELL did you have to combine the two things together. Why am I made to feel useless, unworthy, disliked, and like that little puppy because you want to pursue a particular path? Why couldn't you just be happy for me and celebrate with me, instead of giving me nearly a week of nothing but heartache and anger.
I am sick and tired of friends making me feel like I'm nothing. Fights are one thing, fight with me fine.. but shutting me out and ignoring accomplishments I've made. That makes me feel like I truly don't matter. I know I have issues. I suppose others could handle this better, but given my history not shouting angry words and storming off is a pretty good step, or maybe not. Because it's always been my practice to curl up and suffer. Not always silently, but I've never found a better way. If I whine to the point I'm let in, I feel horrible. If I do nothing, I feel horrible. It's like I can't win, and it hurts. God I hope this stops someday because I'm tired of being tortured by those I trust.
So to those of you I rp with.. I really do hate drama, I hate how it makes me feel and so I hate how my drama makes others feel. I do end up inflicting some of it on others because I try to hold it in so much that it bubbles over and I can't help that. I'm at that point now and this time it's not my fault entirely. I tried to express it, tried to head it off at the pass knowing what would likely happen and I was blocked from doing this. Asked not to page and I can't even express how much that hurt. Everything I'd hoped wouldn't repeat did. Flashbacks to last year when Ben told me not to page him reappeared, the troubles with Gabrielle and her complaints for my character's actions popped into my mind. the loss of Rebecca as a friend. All of it, crashing down around me, stiffling me. I just went numb in shock and when I finally got home from work I cried. So I tried to avoid this, I did my best. This time I couldn't.
I don't want to cry because of a character, it seems.. well childish.. but as I said they're like my children.. no it's deeper. I've been told before that my characters seem very vivid and alive. It's because they're aspects of my rl personality only emphasized. So when crap happens to my character it is like it's happening to me. Don't get me wrong, I know it's fantasy. I'd never be one of those that mixes fantasy and reality. But.. if something happens to my character I'm going to be upset and hurt and maybe I'll even cry.
In the end I just want to feel like I'm special to those I call my friends. Right now and for the last week I haven't felt that at all. In fact, quite the opposite.
A rough comparison is say you have a child who gets on the baseball team or the football team, makes the honor roll. When you tell your friends you want them to praise your child, not be upset that their child didn't do one of those things. The child would want praise too, right? After all we're told to give children possitive reinforcement whenever they do something right. That goes for adults as well. Children may be more impressionable, but adults need a pat on the back too.
I do know if I ever am able to finish one of the books I start and if I get published if one of my friends goes 'oh that's nice' I'd be damned tempted to punch them in the face.
If that were the only issue though I could deal with it. I mean it's not like my accomplishments haven't been overlooked before. They usually are after all. After twenty eight years you sort of get used to people not giving a damn about you. No though, it's not just that. It's being pushed away. Getting the 'do not enter' sign from friends or the 'you can't cross this line, but these people I barelly know can'. It inspires jealousy, worse it inspires a sense of self loathing and the question of 'what is wrong with me?!'
This is an issue that I've had since childhood. I remember back when I was in a 4-H club and we took a trip. I was in the back of a van with 8 other girls. All of them sitting and chatting. I tried to do it too. I tried to make friends. They all looked at me like I was gross/weird/you name it and then ignored me. I remember getting out of the van when I was dropped off at home, of my mom coming out to get me and watching the van drive off as I cried and told her 'I feel like a lost little puppy dog that no one wants'. Twenty two years later and I've yet to meet a person who doesn't make me feel that way. Throughout 4-H, my brief stint in highschool (I was homeschooled so had very little contact with other children my age), the neighborhood kids and their parents, ballet, church, college, the people I consider my best friends, my husband.. even the SCA I loved so much.
And so.. I don't think it's very childish that I get upset when people who are my friends do it on a game that I play a character I've worked on for almost a year. When they do it to him, but not only that.. do it to me the player as well. So he couldn't help the situation? That's fine, but why the HELL did you have to combine the two things together. Why am I made to feel useless, unworthy, disliked, and like that little puppy because you want to pursue a particular path? Why couldn't you just be happy for me and celebrate with me, instead of giving me nearly a week of nothing but heartache and anger.
I am sick and tired of friends making me feel like I'm nothing. Fights are one thing, fight with me fine.. but shutting me out and ignoring accomplishments I've made. That makes me feel like I truly don't matter. I know I have issues. I suppose others could handle this better, but given my history not shouting angry words and storming off is a pretty good step, or maybe not. Because it's always been my practice to curl up and suffer. Not always silently, but I've never found a better way. If I whine to the point I'm let in, I feel horrible. If I do nothing, I feel horrible. It's like I can't win, and it hurts. God I hope this stops someday because I'm tired of being tortured by those I trust.
So to those of you I rp with.. I really do hate drama, I hate how it makes me feel and so I hate how my drama makes others feel. I do end up inflicting some of it on others because I try to hold it in so much that it bubbles over and I can't help that. I'm at that point now and this time it's not my fault entirely. I tried to express it, tried to head it off at the pass knowing what would likely happen and I was blocked from doing this. Asked not to page and I can't even express how much that hurt. Everything I'd hoped wouldn't repeat did. Flashbacks to last year when Ben told me not to page him reappeared, the troubles with Gabrielle and her complaints for my character's actions popped into my mind. the loss of Rebecca as a friend. All of it, crashing down around me, stiffling me. I just went numb in shock and when I finally got home from work I cried. So I tried to avoid this, I did my best. This time I couldn't.
I don't want to cry because of a character, it seems.. well childish.. but as I said they're like my children.. no it's deeper. I've been told before that my characters seem very vivid and alive. It's because they're aspects of my rl personality only emphasized. So when crap happens to my character it is like it's happening to me. Don't get me wrong, I know it's fantasy. I'd never be one of those that mixes fantasy and reality. But.. if something happens to my character I'm going to be upset and hurt and maybe I'll even cry.
In the end I just want to feel like I'm special to those I call my friends. Right now and for the last week I haven't felt that at all. In fact, quite the opposite.
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Arrrrrggggg
May. 28th, 2007 | 12:14 am
mood: annoyed
music: None, working bleh
Alright, my first time saying it... I don't want to be here tonight! Ahem, I've had the job nearly 2 months though and usually I say that within the first, hmmm day? My annoyance is pretty big though. One of the things that I need to do my job are keys. That's to prepare the breakfast by 6am, to make sure the power in the upstairs maitnence rooms is off.. and most importantly to prepare breakfast! Actually I said that already, but it's true. The breakfast lady, still don't know her name, comes in about 6:30am.. breakfast needs to be out and ready before 6... so now I get to play phone tag with one of my bosses who said he always answers his phone and hasn't any time I've tried to call him. Grrrr
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Nearly half a year at a glance..
May. 15th, 2007 | 11:08 am
mood: good
Well someone *eyes Mori* wanted me to update my LJ. Not a bad idea, I mean it has been almost six months since my last post. It was so hopeful that it'd really suck for my next post to come when something bad happened again... but of course, bad things happen, so lets get those out of the way first.
The Bad:
My brother who I mentioned below, the one who's wife left him, is currently on the run from the law. He's been a alcoholic for years and we've all tried to help him. Well after she left him he lost his drivers license and was forced to ride a bike back and forth to work. She turned around and turned off the power and phone on him without warning him and so on. Really turned into a pretty big bitch and that saddens me. Anyways.. he found out he was going to have to go to rehab and likely do some jail time. Rehab's expensive, but we would've helped him pay for it.. but the jail time scared him. Rather than just get it done he left the state. Right now I have no idea where he is and no way to contact him (of course if I could contact him I'd be trying to get him to go back and face up).
The Mediocre:
Technically this should be good, for my dad it is, but for me.. ehhh it's weird. My father's met someone. They met in January and get along great. He's really fallen though and is talking about marriage and calling her my new mom. Sorry dad, I had a mom, I'm not going to have another. If anything she'll be my step-mother if you guys do get married, but I'll call her by her name, thanks. Only one person gets that title. Apparently she's a really nice lady, but it's just so weird. I was one of those kids who's parents didn't divorce. I've only ever known that so this is really kinda hard to adjust to.
The Good:
First off! I have a nephew. I should've posted this a while ago, but yea I'm bad *slaps her own hand* Hunter Phillip is his name, like mentioned below, and he's an Aquarius (man ANOTHER one of them. Get rid of one and another pops up and this one I can't get rid of).. I keep getting pics and kicking myself because I just can't go to florida yet. I'd like to (still hate the state) just to see him, but things aren't working out for that. Maybe in a couple months.
I mentioned some time ago, about a year ago or so I think, that I'd lost a friend on a game. Well she came back to me, though I can't just let her close again, saying that she'd been wrong. Basically she'd turned her back on me because she had another friend she was trying to give a chance. I already knew the person was bad news, but well.. it just snowballed out of control and I got accused of some pretty upsetting things that weren't true. Now though she's been dicked over by the person (as I predicted - here I can say I told you so, I didn't say it to her though) and she's apologetic to me. At the least, I have that.
And the final bit of good news.. I've got a job. After three years of unemployment this chika is a working girl again. I'm the night auditor at a local hotel (enclosed and very nice).. so basically I'm their nighttime accountant. Who would've thought I'd have a large company trusting me to make sure their books balance?! Actually thinking of that.. who would've thought I'd be doing anything having to do with math on a daily basis and not sucking at it? So I'm happy about that, happy that I work only 3 nights a week, that I've got my own money to play with and actually just happy with the job overall. I've never had a job that I didn't dread going into work to on my first day and I don't with this place. I really like it (though occasionally I've found the desire to take a baseball bat to a few heads or pieces of equipment).
So yea, overall I've started 1 of my resolutions (getting into better shape - we'll see how that goes) and I've succeeded in another (getting a job, and one I like to boot). I don't know about college. I'm still pondering that.. but I'm thinking that it's not going to be this year. I don't want to push myself.. also I want to be able to save up enough to take a vacation next year.
The Bad:
My brother who I mentioned below, the one who's wife left him, is currently on the run from the law. He's been a alcoholic for years and we've all tried to help him. Well after she left him he lost his drivers license and was forced to ride a bike back and forth to work. She turned around and turned off the power and phone on him without warning him and so on. Really turned into a pretty big bitch and that saddens me. Anyways.. he found out he was going to have to go to rehab and likely do some jail time. Rehab's expensive, but we would've helped him pay for it.. but the jail time scared him. Rather than just get it done he left the state. Right now I have no idea where he is and no way to contact him (of course if I could contact him I'd be trying to get him to go back and face up).
The Mediocre:
Technically this should be good, for my dad it is, but for me.. ehhh it's weird. My father's met someone. They met in January and get along great. He's really fallen though and is talking about marriage and calling her my new mom. Sorry dad, I had a mom, I'm not going to have another. If anything she'll be my step-mother if you guys do get married, but I'll call her by her name, thanks. Only one person gets that title. Apparently she's a really nice lady, but it's just so weird. I was one of those kids who's parents didn't divorce. I've only ever known that so this is really kinda hard to adjust to.
The Good:
First off! I have a nephew. I should've posted this a while ago, but yea I'm bad *slaps her own hand* Hunter Phillip is his name, like mentioned below, and he's an Aquarius (man ANOTHER one of them. Get rid of one and another pops up and this one I can't get rid of).. I keep getting pics and kicking myself because I just can't go to florida yet. I'd like to (still hate the state) just to see him, but things aren't working out for that. Maybe in a couple months.
I mentioned some time ago, about a year ago or so I think, that I'd lost a friend on a game. Well she came back to me, though I can't just let her close again, saying that she'd been wrong. Basically she'd turned her back on me because she had another friend she was trying to give a chance. I already knew the person was bad news, but well.. it just snowballed out of control and I got accused of some pretty upsetting things that weren't true. Now though she's been dicked over by the person (as I predicted - here I can say I told you so, I didn't say it to her though) and she's apologetic to me. At the least, I have that.
And the final bit of good news.. I've got a job. After three years of unemployment this chika is a working girl again. I'm the night auditor at a local hotel (enclosed and very nice).. so basically I'm their nighttime accountant. Who would've thought I'd have a large company trusting me to make sure their books balance?! Actually thinking of that.. who would've thought I'd be doing anything having to do with math on a daily basis and not sucking at it? So I'm happy about that, happy that I work only 3 nights a week, that I've got my own money to play with and actually just happy with the job overall. I've never had a job that I didn't dread going into work to on my first day and I don't with this place. I really like it (though occasionally I've found the desire to take a baseball bat to a few heads or pieces of equipment).
So yea, overall I've started 1 of my resolutions (getting into better shape - we'll see how that goes) and I've succeeded in another (getting a job, and one I like to boot). I don't know about college. I'm still pondering that.. but I'm thinking that it's not going to be this year. I don't want to push myself.. also I want to be able to save up enough to take a vacation next year.
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New Years...
Jan. 1st, 2007 | 06:54 am
location: Cookeville, Tn
mood: hopeful
music: Twilight Zone Theme
It's finally a new year, and about damn time. This year has been nothing more than alot of shit and some good things... the good things I'll cling to, but I wish I could forget the bad. Over the last year I have seen the deaths of my mother and grandmother within a month of each other, my sweet kitty two months after that and the break up of my brother and his wife after a marriage of 19 years as well as, on a lesser note, loosing a friend to game politics and ooc threats and complaints to staff launched my way.
On the other hand this year has also given me hope and good things with the making of new and dear friends through Hetza *ruffles the kitty*. I owe you buddy, you know good people. The pregnancy of my sister (technically my brother's girlfriend, but they've been together two years longer than my husband and I have been and honestly she's my sister now).. so my future nephew is due January 15th, Hunter Phillip.. it's an unusual name, but a good one I think.
Needless to say, I have alot of hope for this year and alot of plans. Plans to go back to work, maybe back to school this coming fall, and plans to get healthier than I am now. So yea, a number of new years resolutions and hopefully I'll succeed.. And hopefully in that I'll come up with money to go to Gackt's concert if he still does the US tour that was planned for this year. So here's to hoping.
On the other hand this year has also given me hope and good things with the making of new and dear friends through Hetza *ruffles the kitty*. I owe you buddy, you know good people. The pregnancy of my sister (technically my brother's girlfriend, but they've been together two years longer than my husband and I have been and honestly she's my sister now).. so my future nephew is due January 15th, Hunter Phillip.. it's an unusual name, but a good one I think.
Needless to say, I have alot of hope for this year and alot of plans. Plans to go back to work, maybe back to school this coming fall, and plans to get healthier than I am now. So yea, a number of new years resolutions and hopefully I'll succeed.. And hopefully in that I'll come up with money to go to Gackt's concert if he still does the US tour that was planned for this year. So here's to hoping.
